My parents don’t approve of my partner – what should I do?
A lot of clients I work with struggle with this problem. Navigating the disapproval of your parents can be incredibly difficult—especially when you deeply care about your partner and want to honor your family’s wishes. If you’re someone who has always valued family ties but also craves a life that feels true to you, this tension can be especially painful.
For many high-achieving individuals—particularly those who grew up as second-generation immigrants—this struggle often feels like a balancing act between honoring cultural and family expectations and staying connected to your own identity and values.
Understanding the Root of the Conflict
When your parents don’t approve of your partner, it’s rarely just about your partner. It’s often tied to their own values, cultural expectations, and fears about what it means for your future. They might worry about how this relationship will impact your family’s identity, reputation, or sense of belonging.
At the same time, you may find yourself grappling with your own fears:
Am I betraying my family’s values?
What will people think?
How do I stay true to myself without losing my connection to my parents?
These questions are normal—and they deserve thoughtful attention.
Finding Your Voice and Your Path
Here’s what can help you move forward:
✅ Reflect on your own values. What matters most to you in a partner? What does a healthy, supportive relationship look like for you? When you clarify your own values, you’ll have a clearer foundation for conversations with your family.
✅ Acknowledge the emotional weight. This is not just about your partner—it’s about your sense of self and belonging. Allow yourself to feel the weight of these conflicting loyalties. Being honest with yourself about the pain can help you approach the situation with more clarity and compassion.
✅ Communicate openly—when you’re ready. If you feel safe to do so, gently share with your parents how you feel. Use “I” statements (“I feel…” “I hope…”) to express your perspective without defensiveness. Remember, this isn’t about convincing them—it’s about letting them see who you are.
✅ Seek support. You don’t have to do this alone. Talking with a therapist who understands the complexities of identity, family, and cultural expectations can offer a safe space to explore your feelings, set boundaries, and find your path forward.
You Deserve to Be Seen and Heard
Ultimately, you deserve a relationship that feels right for you—and to be seen and respected for who you truly are. Honouring your own needs and values can be a powerful first step in bridging the gap with your parents and finding a way forward that feels authentic and compassionate.
If you’re feeling caught between family expectations and your own desires, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Schedule a consultation to learn how therapy can help you and your loved ones find clarity, healing, and understanding.
About the Author
Raisa Luther is a therapist who specialises in supporting high-achieving individuals navigating the complexities of family expectations, cultural identity, and personal relationships. With a grounded and compassionate approach, she helps clients find clarity, confidence, and a path forward that honours their true selves.
