Dealing with difficult in-laws? This may help

Jun 13

Navigating relationships with in-laws can be challenging—especially when cultural expectations and family dynamics add extra layers of complexity. These tensions can feel deeply personal and often stir up questions about belonging, identity, and loyalty.As a therapist, I often work with high-achieving individuals who find themselves caught between their own needs and family expectations.

If you’re feeling stuck between your own values and the expectations of your partner’s family, you’re not alone.

You might feel:

Torn between respecting family elders and setting your own boundaries.
For example, you might feel pressured to attend every family gathering out of cultural duty, even when you’re exhausted or need space.
Unsure how to communicate your needs without feeling disloyal or judged.
Maybe your in-laws make critical comments about your career, lifestyle, or parenting decisions—comments that sting but feel too risky to challenge.
Worried that speaking up will hurt your relationship with your partner.
You want to be a supportive partner, but you’re also craving relief from the tension of feeling like you’re never “enough” for your in-laws.

These challenges often feel overwhelming, especially when they stir up deeper questions about belonging and identity:

👉 “If I set boundaries, will my family see me as disrespectful?”
👉 “Will I lose my partner’s support if I speak up?”
👉 “Am I being ungrateful or selfish for wanting more space?”

I see you. These struggles aren’t just about in-laws—they’re about finding your voice and holding onto your sense of self while honoring where you come from.

Here’s What I Want You to Know

✅ Your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel torn—it means you care deeply about your family, your partner, and yourself.

✅ You don’t have to choose between yourself and your family. It’s possible to honor your family’s values and stay true to what you need.

✅ Boundaries are not selfish—they’re an act of self-respect. They’re what allow you to show up in relationships as your most grounded, authentic self.

✅ Therapy can help. Together, we can:

Explore how your cultural identity and upbringing shape your experience
Find language for your needs that feels authentic and clear
Build confidence in setting boundaries that honor your relationships—without losing yourself

You Deserve to Feel Respected and at Ease

Ultimately, you deserve relationships that feel safe and supportive—relationships where you don’t have to choose between belonging and authenticity. If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed by difficult in-law dynamics, therapy can be a place to unpack these layers and find a path that feels right for you.

Ready to feel more at ease and more like yourself? Schedule a consultation to learn how therapy can help you and your loved ones find clarity and understanding.

About the Author

Raisa Luther is a clinical psychologist based in London who specialises in supporting individuals and couples navigating the complexities of family expectations, cultural identity, and personal relationships.