Coping with Anxious Attachment | A Guide for Relationship Anxiety
You want closeness. You want security. You want to stop overthinking every text, every silence, every shift in tone. But no matter how much reassurance you get, there’s still that feeling:
What if they leave? What if I’m too much? What if I mess it up?
This isn’t because you’re broken. It’s likely because you’ve developed an anxious attachment style—often rooted in early emotional experiences.
What Is Anxious Attachment?
Anxious attachment develops when your early caregivers were inconsistent—sometimes warm and available, other times withdrawn or preoccupied. This unpredictability sends a message: Love isn’t stable. I have to earn it. I have to be on guard.
As an adult, this can show up as:
Fear of abandonment
Constant need for reassurance
Overanalyzing texts and conversations
Difficulty trusting without proof
Losing yourself in relationships
These patterns aren’t flaws—they’re survival strategies. They helped you adapt when emotional safety felt uncertain. But now, they might be keeping you from the connection you long for.
Many South Asian women were raised with cultural expectations to be selfless, accommodating, and emotionally restrained. You may have been taught to prioritise others' needs, avoid conflict, and not ask “too much.”
This creates a double burden: anxiety in relationships and guilt for having needs at all.
You may feel:
Responsible for everyone else’s emotions
Afraid to express your truth
Ashamed of your sensitivity or longing for closeness
Untangling anxious attachment means not only healing personal wounds but also gently questioning the cultural narratives that shaped your view of love, worth, and connection.
5 Grounding Strategies for Relationship Anxiety
You can begin to shift your experience in relationships. Here are a few gentle, research-informed strategies to support your nervous system and build secure connection:
1. Name the Anxiety, Don’t Become It
Instead of reacting immediately to anxious thoughts, try naming what’s happening:
"This is my attachment anxiety speaking. I’m feeling triggered, not necessarily seeing clearly."
This creates space between the emotion and your next step.
2. Practise Self-Soothing
Learn ways to calm your nervous system in moments of distress—like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or holding a comforting object. This builds internal safety, so you’re not relying solely on your partner to regulate you.
3. Build a Reality Anchor
Keep a journal of affirming truths about your relationship or self-worth that you can revisit when anxiety flares up. Example: “I am allowed to take up space. Love doesn’t have to be earned.”
4. Communicate Clearly, Not Indirectly
Anxious attachment often leads to hints, testing, or withdrawal. Practise direct communication instead. It feels risky, but it builds trust.
5. Work with a Therapist
Anxious attachment isn't something you have to “fix” alone. Therapy offers a space to explore its roots, practise new relational skills, and gradually build a secure sense of self in connection.
Healing Is Possible
Relationship anxiety doesn’t mean you’re needy, weak, or doomed. It means you learned to fear disconnection—and now you’re ready to create a new story.
As a culturally sensitive therapist working with South Asian women across the UK, I help high-functioning women understand their attachment patterns, regulate their emotions, and build relationships that feel safe and real.
Ready to feel more grounded in your relationships?
Schedule a free consultation today to explore how therapy can support you or a loved one in building secure, connected, and emotionally healthy relationships.
About the Author
Raisa Luther is a UK-based therapist who helps women untangle anxious attachment, heal from relationship anxiety, and build emotionally secure connections.
